10 Things You Should Never Say To a New Mom
There are things that you should say to a New Mom and then there are things that you shouldn’t!
We’ve all been there, done that! We were all Moms-to-be once upon a time in our lives and we were all ‘New Moms’ thereafter. I’m sure all of us remember the ‘irky’ feeling that crept in when a nosey-posey Aunt, neighbor, veteran mom, stranger or relative did some intruding business and jumped across a 100 ft wall just to tell us something we were not willing to hear at all!
Just to save poor ‘New Moms’ from all that unwanted embarrassment I’m here with a list of things you should ‘never’ say to a New Mom:
- “Aren’t you breastfeeding?” You have no idea if she delivered normally or underwent a C-Section. You have no idea why she’s choosing not to breastfeed or even if she’s breastfeeding and bottle-feeding her baby in combination! So just don’t say this! This only makes the mother feel more depressed and sad in life and makes her feel as if she’s totally worthless to have not breastfed her baby.
- “Don’t you massage her twice a day?”Massaging the baby just once a day is also enough. Many-a-times, babies themselves are not very comfortable with the idea of being given a massage. So do not pressurize a New Mom to massage her baby 10,000 times a day by saying this one to her.
- “I’m so sorry you had a C-section!”We all know that normal deliveries are the best and healthiest for the mom and baby both, but no mother decides the bad option for herself and her baby. If a Mom undergoes C-section, it’s because there definitely is a long story behind it to back up the event. So, don’t make a New Mom feel bad about her C-section and her life or health by saying this one to her.
- “Looks like his birth weight was too low!”Birth weights and weight of the newborn baby thereafter is never under any one’s control. Had it been, all Moms would have very easily had chubby babies since day 1. It’s all in the genes and nature. So avoid saying this one to a New Mom and let her enjoy her new motherhood freely.
- “His nose is flat/her hair are not thick/his ear lobes are weird!”You have no right to comment on a newborn baby’s looks, for the simple reason that those features and that look is not going to stay that way forever. Such comments only dull down the spirit of a New Mom and give her sleepless nights, which she’s anyway not short of! Facial features and looks of newborn babies keep changing every day and you never know if the monkey-face you just saw may grow into a handsome young man or a beautiful charming princess by the time you age!
- “Everyone has to go through this pain, we all did!”You are not helping a New Mom by saying things like these which actually do not show any empathy but only make the New Mom feel worse! She is not there to be empathized with, but is only looking for real sympathy from people who come to meet her and her baby.
- “You look so tired!”Well, she doesn’t look tired, she actually is! Who won’t be, after a dozen of sleepless nights, blood oozing out of the body all the time, stitches tiring the mind and body day and night? But! You don’t need to mention this to her! This’ll make her feel more lost and bad about the motherhood that she has just entered into.
- “My post-delivery days were awesome!”No matter how well you were taken care of, you definitely did have a baby crying like crazy in the middle of the night every night for at least 180 nights in a row, you had your seemingly endless Aunt Flo troubling you and you definitely experienced the sore nipples no matter how much you prepared for it! No matter how awesome your time was, you surely didn’t escape these! So don’t practically ‘lie’ to the poor sleep deprived lady in front of you and make her feel worse about her 40 days of house arrest!
- “Ah! I’m over all of this now!”Imagine the not-just-huge-but-‘colossal’ amount of mental tiredness you are transmitting to the New Mom by saying these words of so-called wisdom! On hearing this, she will surely look at the weeks, months and years to come ahead with a crazy amount of boredom and disinterest.
- “Oh! Did you take epidural? Things must have been easier!”No, they were not! Because, even if she took epidural for those few hours of her life, she had to go through 9 painful pregnancy months, initial hours of labor pain and the post delivery pain that is completely unavoidable and can’t be excused from.Moreover, who said epidural cures sore nipples?
So that was something, you should definitely not say to a New Mom!
What you can try saying instead is:
- “Take it easy on breastfeeding. What is important is that you baby’s tummy should be full.”
- “Massage her as much as you’re able to afford physically. Anyway, not all babies get the privilege of getting massages daily.”
- “Take good rest. Healthy recovery after delivery is very important.”
- “Your baby looks healthy and cute. He’s taken after you!”
- “I know it is really painful. I’m so sorry you have to go through so much as a mother.”
- “No matter what you take, labor pain is labor pain. It’s the special pain that bonds you with your baby.”
- “Take good care of yourself and your baby in these days. Let me know if you need my help.”
And, if you are actually asked for help or advice, then you can recommend them to read my post on Advice for New Moms! *wink* *wink*